Question:
I have been away from God a long time? Is is too late? Does God still want me?
First of all, God's main purpose in life is to get people saved. That's why the apostle John wrote, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only-begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but so that the world might be saved through Him" (John 3:16-17). So the first answer for you is "Yes, God still wants you. He will always want you. He will never stop wanting you." There is another place where the Word says that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). That means He does not change. It means that if God wanted you yesterday, He still wants you today.
But here's the problem. When I have rejected God and have gone my way, I finally come to a point in my life where I realize that life has no permanent satisfaction, or I begin to sense the guilt for all the wrongs I have done. Some people realize it early in life, and others late in life; but most people figure that out sometime along the way. But too many times people think "now God doesn't want me"--that they have somehow blown it, that there is no way that God will take them back.
But the truth is quite different. Jesus died for every sin of every person ever committed. That is what makes it obvious that God is motivated to forgive--it's all paid for already. But there is something that a person has to do in order for that payment to be applied to his or her sins. "I have to accept Jesus Christ as my Savior by putting my trust (my faith) in what Jesus did on the Cross." It's that simple. It is a matter of heart, not of rules about being good enough. It's like this: I want God, I accept what Jesus did for me, and God accepts me because Jesus paid for the whole thing. I know I don't deserve it, but that isn't the point. God is not motivated by my good behavior, He is motivated by His unending love for people. That is part of the reason why He is a Just God--because He is loving and concerned for my ugly soul.
I am convinced, after reading your email, the truth is that you fear being rejected by God now that you are evaluating your life and want to change. I can assure you that time after time, some of the ugliest and meanest souls have found loving acceptance by God, because He loves people and because He made a way for you and me to be forgiven by having His only Son pay for it all. It is normal not to "feel" God when you have been away from him; it is a part of our emotional make up. It is quite normal. That part of your soul may take time to heal. But I assure you that it will as time passes. As you continue growing in Christ, your heart will be healed with time. It is all a part of the salvation "package" that comes with God's unending love for you.
As far as "repenting" goes. That is easy. God takes you at your word. If you mean it the first time, He accepts that. If you mean it the second time, He accepts that. You see. God knows you better than you know yourself. He knows where you are strong and where you are weak. But He still loves you, and still paid for the whole thing on the Cross. So he takes you at your word. All you have to do is mean it from your heart. That is all you have to do. Then after you have committed yourself to Jesus Christ, with time God will help you change into what He wants you to become. He knows we are all sinners, and His love makes Him work with us in all of our faults and weaknesses--He just accepts you because you accepted the work of Jesus Christ on the cross for you, the blood that He spilled for you and me. The end result is that you will mature in spiritual understanding and Christian character. This is what a life of salvation is all about; that is, change over time into Christ-like character with the help of His Spirit and His Scriptures.
Pray this prayer. The words aren't as important as much as your meaning it. Remember, God loves you and wants you, regardless of what you are feeling.
"God, I repent of my sinful behavior and thoughts. I need your help. I choose Jesus Christ as my Savior and Lord. Forgive me now. I want to be a Christian for the rest of my life. Thank you. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen."
I assume that you prayed that prayer and meant it. Welcome to the family. God bless you as you learn about God and get to know Him better. Remember that even if your not perfect, over time He will help you mature in spiritual things. He loves you.
Also, you might find some useful spiritual information on our website. We have inspirational notes and articles, Bible Study, and audio messages by Pastor Parks. At first, try to select things that will encourage you in God's love and His acceptance of you. Later, when you feel stronger in His love, move on to other topics.
Rev. Pat Reynolds
Wayne Parks Ministries